Echoes abound

I just realized that H always remembers what I say, and more than that, what I say does in a sense become the truth to him. For example, I told him that if he decides to go with her, by the time she's divorced, they'll be 40 and then they will have to have kids right away and by the time they have kids (if they even can considering she had a series of miscarriages), they'll be 45. Then by the time the child is in grade 1, he'll be 50. I thought I was just making an objective and slightly snarky point. But to my surprise, he repeated back to me just yesterday what I said and told me that he thought about it.

On a less positive example, I told him early on that he loves me but he's not in love with me. Now he throws that in my face like a new discovery that he didn't know of but he thinks I'm right!

How dangerous. I need to really be careful about what I'm saying and not to seed negative thoughts in his head. On the other hand, it means that I can say positive reinforcing messages and he may subconsciously believe them as well.

I don't want to be manipulative - but it really is happening. So I should reinforce the fact
-that he was never going to give me up in the first place
-that the attraction is only temporary, and they will grow out of it,
-that she needs the space to work on her marriage,
-that he is feeling bad about her predicament but he has made a choice,
-that he was attracted to her because there was something he needed from me ( which I think he mentioned once that he felt safe with her because she would never want to harm him, and she was always agreeable),
-that Their attraction was not strongly founded because it was based on lies and deceit,
-that she found him attractive because she wanted a reason to end her marriage,
-they only saw each other's good points because it was just an infatuation,
- that he would regret it if I decided to leave.
- all his friends and family who love him think that I am more suited to him than her
- it was just an infatuation, nothing more
- our history is valuable and cannot be easily replaced
- we had a lot of love when we first got together( although he keeps saying that we only knew each other for a week before we got together and she and him have been friends for 18 years. But the reality is that they went to school together and weren't really close friends and they only recently reconnected. How well do you really know someone like that??)
- that I am kindhearted. He told me that the one trait that stands out about her is her kindness. How kind was her affair to her husband of 10 years? How kind was she when she disregarded his fiancé and flew up to meet him? I think this is something I hope he will wake up from when the fog lifts.
- that he has loved me all along and our love has withstood the test of time and trials.
- I have been loyal to him all this while. I would not betray him the way she betrayed her husband.
- that I am definitely more attractive than her.

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