Recap

Ok I think I need to plug the information gap. From being hung up over my ex who cheated on me, to where I am now which is my ex is begging me to come back to him and there's a new guy in the picture.

Well I went out a couple of times with the new guy. He was oh so sweet and loving and seemingly had no commitment issues whatsoever. He would say things that would melt a girls heart like he fantasizes about having me as his wife, he wants me forever, he's always planning our next and next next meetings together and he would be dying to spend time with me.

It was just so refreshing. And such a change from the dark blackness I was in at that time in June. If you recall, it was when my ex was ambivalent about us, and he wasn't sure whether we were meant to be together. And I slowly let the new guy into my heart and that was it really. I broke it off with my ex and although we were still living together, i was emotionally free.

Very quickly things with the neq guy got serious and I was seeing him everyday, and I even went away overnight, and even on a short holiday overseas. We had a fantastic time. All this while I didn't tell my ex what was happening. I also asked him to move back home.

It's been 3 wks since he moved out and I have mixed feelings. For one, the new guy after we came back from the major holiday, decided to end things with his wife. But, he felt so burned from the experience that he told me that he's not sure what future we would have. He basically was just not prepared to make any promises.

And on the other side, my ex was now repentant, apologetic, and begging me to get back with him. He had ended things with the girl or so he claimed and he realized he loved me. He was everything that I had wanted, 3months too late.

So now...I see the new guy maybe 3 times a week and it's sweet and all, but his lack of commitment and the no future comment kind of dialed down my passion for him a little.

With my ex, we talk daily on whatsapp but nothing that really changes things. I still care for him. I just don't know if I want a future with him.

So there you go - two guys, no future.


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Why so angry

I'm confused. The married guy is so sweet in person, so tender and loving. But when he gets angry and he tells me about stuff he's angry about on whatsapp, he really sounds harsh. Using words like 'fucking fools' or 'fucking idiot' etc. I'm not used to this kind of language.

But in real life when I'm with him, I don't think he says it in the harsh tone that I would imagine, over whatsapp. Or am I just making excuses?

He still hasn't called the divorce lawyer..he says he will call soon. I have a bad feeling that this will be a recurrent theme in our drama.

My ex is still upset and he wants to get back together. He also has other problems at work and he plays victim - he says his life is falling apart and everything is going wrong. I tell him to roll with it, and things will eventually get better.

I think my life is a mess. I wish I was one of those housewives who have 2 kids and a stable husband who works and comes home and on weekends we go out as a family even if a tad boring. I just really really want kids right now.

I'm watching the sex and the city dvds now and I realise that when I first started watching them I was 29 and now five years later, I'm the same age as the girls in the series. Growing older is depressing.

More confused than ever

I'm back. Things with my ex is still murky, and there's now another man in the picture - worse still, he's still married. Even though he is going to get a divorce, he has a daughter and I think that's not good.

But on the bright side, I'm no longer emotionally dependent on my ex and I feel that I can make a more objective decision...but the thing is, I'm now more emotionally attached to the married guy. And I don't think I can happily go back to my ex now, since my feelings are no longer there.

The married guy is great...when I get to see him. He's sweet, dedicated, sensitive, great in bed, and we're old classmates from school so we're familiar and comfortable with each other. But, he's still most concerned about his daughter's wellbeing, which I perfectly understand.

I wish my life was different.