I know that people may think I'm being naive or in denial but I've decided to be open to trying again with H and leave it in His hands. If he wants us to be together it will happen. And if He has a different future for us, I will trust that He knows best. In the meantime, I will go where He wants me to.
Attended IBC with H today and there is a semblance of connection again. I told him that I'm open to being normal again. If that's what he wants. He is still a little fearful or tentative, but at least I've made a decision and I'm at peace with it. Until the next storm comes at least.
He said that her last message to him was that 'it hurts'. His reply- I'm sorry. I suppose it proves that she wanted more from him, unlike what he had earlier alluded to- that she doesn't want any more from him than he wanted. He told her that they should each work on their relationships. And she agreed. And he said that she would agree with anything he said. I said, at least she's consistent.
The sermon today though highlighted that 1. What the mind dwells on, it believes. 2. What the mind believes, it will eventually do. So on that basis, I should not talk to H about her anymore and I shouldn't even be dwelling on it as well. He seems to be trying not to think about it. He always says that 'he tries not to think about it' whenever I ask him how he feels.
So maybe that's the right way to go. We should dwell on what is in future, and trust that there's something positive and uplifting waiting for us ahead.
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