Last night I moved back to the apartment. We had a good day together actually, to church then lunch at botanic garden and then shopping for Hans grohe taps which was on sale. He went windsurfing and I went home to practice.
In the car on the way to the beach, he said that he weighed it all and he knows he wants to be with me. That he may still care for her but I think mostly he feels bad for her. Apparently her husband found out (he seems to have known for a while) and wants to leave her. He feels bad that he caused this. But from what he says, he does not want to see it through with her. He mentioned that when I asked him what would happen if she had gotten pregnant. He said that when I asked him that, he felt what it would be like if she had, and that he would feel 'stuck' with her and I don't think he relished the idea of being forced to be with her and having to let me go.
He said it would be too painful to let me go. And he also said that to see it through with her, it would be a repeat of what he went through with me, just that he would be 5 years older. I think he's not prepared to do that. And I felt better after knowing his bottom-line, even if it was from a very selfish perspective. And it helped to know that he was still choosing me, even after knowing that she would be 'available' if she really did get divorced. It helped me feel a little better.
He helped me move my things back and we watched an episode of glee. And we slept together in the same room for the first time in 5 wks.
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